I mentioned this in my last post, but I seriously feel like a massive cow walking around town next to these skinny local girls. People that I know and even random strangers/shop keepers make comments about how chubby I am. I honestly do not think I am that much bigger than everyone here, but apparently I am . I'm afraid that this experience is going to give me an eating complex later on. I do not feel comfortable in my own skin here, and all the self confidence I have about myself are starting to diminish. I have been wearing sport bras instead of real bras to appear less thick. Shit is not looking good. I do not want to continue to feel this way. Everytime I take a bite of food, I feel are looking at me as thinking "Of course she would be eating like that, she is fat after all."
I don't think I can last too long being like this. Granted that these comments have been subtle most of the time, but hearing "you're so chubby" and "are you not eating because you're afraid of getting fat?" are starting to get to me. Fuck man, I am not eating because I am FULL or just not hungry. Stop trying to feed me then look at me while I am eating like it's a fucking freak show.
I find myself wondering if I had stay in Vietnam and not gone to the U.S 11 years ago, would I turn out looking just like all these locals or would I have grown differently. Life really has a funny way of messing with your head sometime.
Maybe I shouldn't be too sensitive about these comments since this is ruining my mood. If people think I'm fat, that's fine, but I'd rather not hear about it. I like to be happy, and I like to not think about sad shit, and all this is ruining my mood. I haven't felt this self conscious/fat and ugly in years. It's not doing me good.
Knowing that I am from America doesn't help thing a bit. Now people are assuming that just because I am fat and from America, it means that I am rich because rich people are fat and have lots of money and therefore they should mine me for all my worth.
No bitches, once again, I am PO', which is why I am traveling in a country whose currency is lower than the U.S not higher. I am not here to steal your men, eat all your food or stretch out your clothes. I just want to revisit what's left of my childhood so I can move on with my life. Just let me be. Damn.
And while I'm at it, what does a girl have to do to get some toilet paper around here? Damn. I understand that there is a European practice of washing yourself with water and toilet with European still wash faucet that are attached to it, but I would still like to wipe myself dry. Enough is enough. I gotta head to the store.
And maybe while I'm at the store, could someone point me to the anti-mosquitoes section? Because all these bites are getting out of control. I am not a fucking piece of meat. Sure I might look like a cow, but I ain't to high quality rare steak regardless of how delicious smelling I might be. Stop sucking up all my blood, adding more "maybe they'll suck out your fat too" jokes to my life. I don't need no more of that shit.
The following pics are not for the faint of heart. Other places are not too public friendly
I make a fine meal.
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