Tonight feels somewhat familiar. 16 months ago, I was getting ready to leave home to Ghana for the first time, nervousness, excitement and relief were some of the emotions that came about. As I am packing to return to Ghana after some vacation tonight, the same emotions also returned.
Though I know this time what to expect in Ghana, where I will be, who will be there, and what I will be doing, somehow, I am still hesitating of whether or not I want to return there. I hope this is a normal feeling, like, before every "life adventure" one has doubt. Returning to Ghana is a continuation of my current life adventure, and therefore, it's okay for me to have doubts as I did 16 months ago. Knowing where I am living, who is there and what I am going to do might provide some security but also so intimidating. I have work that needs to be done when I get back, can I really do and finish this after all? Will I have enough time to even do all of that? And what if I fail?
I missed Ghana while I was gone. Between multiple giant meals everyday this past 3 weeks, I thought about my house, my little children, my students who are actually adults, my adults who have been my family and even the stupid goats that shit in front of my house. All that have been normalcy for me, and I wasn't ready to outside of it. So even though the food was copious and scrumptious, I am looking forward to get back.
My family is sad once again that I am leaving them, and that
in turns makes me sad, which in turns makes me have these feelings. However, I know what hesitation I am feeling right now will pass once I am there again, being stared at by everyone, center of attention to all. Who wouldn't miss that, right?
