Before I
got to Ghana, I was in full Peace Corp anticipation mode, meaning impatience
and anxious. I couldn't wait to leave the situation I was in then. I
consciously ignore all potentials downsides of being a foreigner in a
developing country. No hot shower? No car? No family? No problem. I have always
liked to think of myself as low maintenance and independent, Peace
Corps life is totally the life for me.
Now, more than 10 months later, as
I continue to spend night after night alone in my house after dark in front of
the candle lights. I've come to realized a few things or two about this
life.
Peace Corps life is still the life for me.
I have no electricity and no
running water. I live by myself and have no neighbors. My closest friends are
my 47 years old counter-part and his wife. My other closest friends are the 10
years old twins who don't speak any English but like to sit on my verrendah as
well as their older brother who is also just as young. I have to walk an hour
by foot to the next town to charge my things. I can count on one hand the type
of food that's sold in my village, and my toilet is a tiny hole in the
ground.
And I don't hate it.
All things outside of your supposed
comfort zone are view to be much more difficult to deal with, but once you get
used to the rocks and pebbles of this new ground, you're in a new zone. Through
humility, I still managed to have my electricity charged. Through
understanding, I find trust in strangers. Through some mysterious force of
nature, I find that I like kids. Through patience, I now have great toned and lean
legs. Through discovery, my belly is still full every day. And through the good
gracious of higher beings, my stomach has not required me to do a latrine run
in the middle of the night.
Someday things are shits.
Ignorance.
Harrassment. Racism. Sexism. Pure and simple stupidity. My inability to take
anyone’s shit or keep my mouth shut and consequentially raise my blood pressure
every time.
But this too shall pass.
Be it
numbness, or surrender, or new found coping mechanism, thing don’t bother me as
much anymore. I get that initial of-the-moment-high-temper-table-flipping -what-the-fuck-did-you-just-say-to-me?
feeling, but it would be over as soon as it started. I dwell less on what
happened, and focus more on the humor of the story—because every story involving
dumbass deserves a laugh.
I was not prepared for loneliness as I thought
I was.
I
remember writing a post bragging about how I am not afraid of living alone, and
that I don’t need to be around people or their companionship. Now I take that
back. Being a lone is a physical state. Loneliness is the rougher mental part.
I can sit by myself reading a book for hours, but 30 minutes of feeling
isolated, left out or forgotten and I am ready to throw in the towel and want
to run away to somewhere, anywhere. This usually happen at night, when I don’t
want to do project planning, the books aren’t interesting, and the candles are
on their last life – I would end up going to bed at 7pm.
Being alone and loneliness are two different
things, and they come with the territory.
Beside married
couples, all PCVs live by themselves, essentially. Some have neighbors, some
share a compound with other people, some live in a giant house by themselves
with lizards being the closest living things to a roommate—like me. Regardless,
everyone shares the similar agenda of waking up alone and going to sleep alone.
At night, I sit alone and plan my project alone. Some nights, it is as natural
as a part of the job. Other nights, I exhaust my phone battery texting other
people because sitting alone with my thoughts is an overwhelming loneliness. So
I try to use my alone time productively, or take preventive measures against
loneliness through the form of extra phone batteries.
So things
are still rough, but I am not quitting. About a year and some odd months to go,
but I am not seriously counting down. I don't miss America, yet. I could use more communication from
people back home, but life is hectic, and I shouldn't be upset about it. I don’t
want to go back yet, and it makes me sad to think about that day. All in
which, I think, is a surprisingly positive result for having to live with a
monthly candles budget.
P.S: In
case you miss me and want to send me a well crafted care package to show that
you care. Here’s a few ideas of what could go inside:
- Magazines:
something maybe of educational values so I can donate to the school later-but
things of current events is great. I am very out of the loop.
- Gummivites/
Fruitsnacks/ Gummy Candies: Who doesn’t love them?
-Packaged
soup mix, instant soup mix, instant mashed potatoes: I love soup. And as of
recently, mashed potatoes.
- General
snacks: Milano cookies, Chip Ahoys. NO cheese or peanut butter flavors.
-
Candles: Did I mention that I have a candle budget? Help me go nuts. Unscented
or vanilla, other strong scents might catch bugs.
-
Seaweed/good ramen from Asian stores: I am Asian afterall.
-Toothpaste
and floss: Floss are exceptionally shitty here.
Packages are to send to:
CHAU NGO
