"Why are white people at the Harlem Pride!?!?... What are these old white people doing there?!?"

Ever since I finished Misfits last week, I have been feeling empty on the inside. Probably because I have little else to look forward to after the hour drive back from work.

And thank goodness that work is enjoyable, making my one hour drive each way directly toward the sun semi worth it. Sitting in the same corridor with my immediate boss, having to light turned off the entire day because he too, does not enjoy strong lights while listen to him talk out loud to his emails (i.e: today's post's title) and give his computer sass for being non-cooperative has been a blast. There is always something for me to do, I don't have to constantly watch my back for a personal neck-breather, and I can eat at my desk anytime I want (probably not a good idea in the long run). I guess I am blessed to have found this job after almost a year of struggling. And despite Peace Corps being on hold for now, I consider this a part of my Peace Corps training since I'm sure what I see/learn here will be useful in Peace Corps.

Plus, every day, I get to enjoy these wonderful perks such as:

a. Mexican fruits stand from across the street. Can you say fiber?

for only FOUR dollars

b. random non-homeless looking individuals passing out in front of family oriented locations such as this elderly home

some people just like to forget
that Tuesday ever happened

And that's pretty much it.

Every morning, I drive to work dreaming of being somewhere else, especially on days when the sun is so fucking bright at only 8am (which is every-fucking-day). Ihatesummer. I don't particularly miss San Diego, I have had my times there, and it was/is time for me to move on and out, so not being there doesn't make me sad. I am only sad that instead of being in SD or somewhere else, I am in LA.

So many factors play into the reasons of why LA is a terrible city for me. And as this blog is pretty much always on the borderline of personal rants vs. a display of my travel and experience, I'm gonna put one foot over the other line today and complain today, so this is your last chance to stop reading now.

Alright, don't say I didn't warn you.

Getting lost and my first gray hair.

Well hello there,

"I know I've got a power... I can feel it in my balls."

Sorry for the lack of updates, I have been meaning to be prompt with my news, but I stumbled upon a wonderful distraction in the form of this show. Misfits, a British comedy original. As my apparent fondness for the Brits and their humor grows, I have not been able to stop watching this show upon its discover... two nights ago. So instead of spending my little free time I have now sharing my life with the world in the form of this blog, I've just been watching TV. Thank goodness that British television has about half the number of episodes in one series in comparison to American shows, otherwise, I don't see how I could possibly get any work done.

Anyway, the show is a sci-fy, fantasy comedy with the usual brilliant British screen play, and I'm more hooked than a bait worm. Since I have already professed my love for British television, I won't bored everyone with more of this love sick shit. I would just like to recommend the show for anyone who's down for some wicked humor and semi Wolverine style super heroes. Find it on Youtube or watch-series or wait for it to come out weekly on Hulu, you won't regret it. (Unless dark, offensive, politically incorrect humor isn't your thing... then maybe you shouldn't even be reading this blog.)

Now, onto the real reason why you are here.

goddamn it.

Ever want to test your patience? Apply to the Peace Corps. You'll be surprise how thin you can stretch it (your patience) as I am surprise at myself right now for still wanting to continue to pursue this. Should I just fucking give up and submit myself to some other plan and spend the rest of my life wondering what if or should I contie hanging on wondering when is this ever going to happen?

Oh lord Jesus. Time for an escape plan.

Repaying student loans is killing me.

When I was 22...

- My friend threw me a surprise birthday party even when I told her I didn't want one. She got wasted that night out of fear that I would be upset at her. I got wasted that night because everyone gave me booze (and chicken wings) and because it was my birthday.

-Got rear ended at a free way entrance the day after my birthday (not at all related to my birthday drunken-ness). The guy was a mechanic and promised to fix up the scratches on my bumper. I contacted him a 2 months later, his number was disconnected.

-Did a keg stand for the first time in celebration of my college's annual spring concert (otherwise informally known as the day when the nerdiest kid in your class is found passing out drunk on the side walk). The keg stand threw me into a blackout but I managed to talk myself out of detox (I knew the security guard).

- Danced to "Like A Virgin" on top of a piano and later on top a guy in front of a room full of people. And all my much less drunk friends. Thought I was the shit.

- Had the worst hair cut of my life. Took nearly a year to recover/fix it.

- Got really into online Scrabbles. My roommates and I would each be on our respective computers and played against each other, occasionally shouted out "YOU FUCKING BITCH!" from the other room/across the condo. I had no control over this obsession.

I was there

- Took lots of naps in my car during my last quarter in college (school was ridic). Once I pulled over on the side of a freeway during traffic hour, a high way patrol woke me up 20 minutes later. I later found out that it was because the area was shady and I could have been robbed.

- Quited one job on Monday and was let go from another one the Tuesday after.

- Spent 3 weeks in Brazil with 9 other girls. The most estrogen-filled experience I have ever/will ever put myself through. Also the most boobs I have ever been around all at once time. We partied and drank everyday during the last week. Slept on through an entire 6 hours bus ride because we were out all night until 7am so we could make the bus station at 8am.

said mural painting

- Got into two car accidents a week apart from each other. Neither was my fault. It was the Curse of October.

- Went into a post-grad slum and at one point, I would only go outside for food. Drinking became less fun then.

- Started working as a tutor and actually liked it.

- Worked at a Vietnamese sandwich shop and hated it.

more juice, please

- Quited my job at the sandwich shop and went to Vietnam for a month and a half. Spent most of my time there melting and being eaten alive by mosquitoes, but got to drink sugar cane juice everyday. It was so worth it.

motherland

my sandals

- I spent my 23rd birthday in Vietnam.

"I was 22 or 23 when I made a decision not to be actively Hamlet-like and miserable in my daily life, and the decision helped a lot. Living vitally is not easier than living morbidly — it’s just better." — Stephen Colbert  

Looking back, my year as a 22 year old wasn't that bad. Sure, economically I made pretty much no money and couldn't really claim success for anything, but I did have an eventful year. That should counts for something, right? Who knows, maybe in 10 years or so, I would wish that I was 22 again and get to have so much free time and so little things to do again.

For now, I guess I'll try to do what Stephen here said and snap the shit out of it and get the hell out of Sad Ville. After all, 23 is one of the cooler number, I should try and enjoy this age before I'm 26. I'm just not a fan of 6s.

another week is here, and Great Britain.

I got offered a job position at a school, but it doesn't start until this upcoming Fall. Crap. I need something NOW.

Oh, and I didn't end up getting/winning the Kindle on eBay. People got really 'aggressive' later and it was bought for almost 190 bucks. I guess it's a good deal since it comes with the cover, but eh, I didn't think it was worth it.

I have to head down to San Diego again this up coming week to really get the last of my Medical demands together and hopefully send them in. The good thing is at least I am in direct contact with a Medical Nurse and she's (not so promptly) answering all my questions. Every time I hear from her, my hope to leave is revived, and I'm excited about PC again. I am also happy to have any excuse to head for SD. Granted that I was kind of in a sad rut my last few months there, I still like it more than LA. Just being there lifts my mood up.

I'm trying to be as optimistic as I can about this whole situation. I don't really like being at my parents very much. I have tried to avoid this scenario for a really long time, and it really is by a miscalculation that I am here. I will risk sounding dramatic and say I'm hanging on by a thread. It all narrows down to the fact that I'm too liberal and they're not down for it. Surprise? Maybe only with my brother. He likes Texas, I didn't see that coming.

fabulous casting job, everyone

Been spending my time rewatching Coupling the UK version. If Friends is like watermelon, then Coupling is like mochi green tea ice cream for me, slightly foreign but just as refreshing, delicious and always leave me wanting more. Steve Moffat (same writer for the Office) is simply brilliant. I love British comedies for the subtle, slightly dark but always true nature of their humor. This show is seriously slap of the knee laugh out loud oh man it's so true kind of way. It was adapted to a US version but the casting sucked and was canceled only after 4 episodes. I had to see for myself how bad the US version was, and man, it's like UK version is yummy GummyVites and the US version is the shitty chalky hard Flinstone ones that I used to have to endure when I was a kid. It's all the same jokes, and maybe it's the British accents, I don't know, but the UK casts are seriously fan-tabulous. The sad thing is thing is that there are only 4 seasons and British television has shorter episodes than US, so there would be only 6-7 episodes per season. Even though I know it's never going to happen, but somewhere in my heart, I am hoping for a reunion show.

Another down side is that watching the show makes me really miss England.

Also British, I just downloaded and now listening to Adele's albums. Brilliant.

i read book(s)

I stumbled upon this book by accident. And by accident I mean typing in "audio books" in torrentz.com and going through the search results.

I have never really "read" and audio book before, but I wanted to try out my new mp3 player, and wanted to compensate reading for the fact that I bought something while not having a job. And also because I like Tina Fey. If her book is anything like Liz Lemon, I'm down to read/listen to it. It is a bonus that the reader of the book is Tina Fey herself. It's like she's telling you the story!

The beginning was kind of slow, somewhere in the early chapters, I went into REM lying on my couch. For what it's worth, I usually just fall straight asleep when I listen to podcasts of lectures back in my college days so Tina, don't be upset, you weren't boring, it was me, not you.

Unlike Chelsea Handler's A You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea? Fey's book is more subtle in term of comedic punch line, but just the funniness is still just as powerful. Which make me look like a real idiot, or a weirdo, laughing out loud while standing by myself in front of various public locations, i.e: library, The World's Market, Ross...

Though right now, Fey is working her dream job and enjoying a big fat pay check for that job and the days of post-grad struggle are way behind her and I am none of the above. Her problems, and consequentially, her book's selling points are still so relative. I don't know how she is in real life, but her humbleness in this book really appeals to me. It also helps that Fey might be one of those people who just make you laugh when they spit profanity.

More over, I like that Fey wasn't just talking about how she struggled in the early years and now appreciating her success, but also talk about how tough it is for a woman to be funny and for people to appreciate it (yes, a form of female empowerment, how feminist of me, I know).

Though they pretty much do the same thing, which is cracking jokes and make people laugh, I don't feel like female comedians get the same credits as male comedians. And when they do, it's because they have balls (Chelsea Handler) and their accomplishment would be noticed as something huge... for women (Bridemaids --a comedy for women, written by women). Putting these disclaimers is a form of gender discrimination.
Of course there are things that are made for gender specific, such as pads and tampons for women (because men obviously don't need them) but other than that, everything else should be equal, especially when it comes to being funny. Who cares if a movie, joke or a play was written by a man or a woman, shouldn't people just enjoy it all the same? And if someone is good at something, such as a great yo mama joke, shouldn't it be because that person is hilarious, not because he's a man. Women can talk shit too. We can also be real dirty too.
This issue has bothered me for a while and Fey discussed this in her book, which I really appreciate.

Overall, this is a good/funny read, and listening/reading this book has really gotten my reading mojo going, so I'm trying to bid for a Kindle and start my reading marathon soon. Can't wait!

is it bad to feel that everyone is living more exciting lives than me?

When I was 16, my biggest problem was about love. No matter how well I was doing in school, how great my relationship was with my friends, how little responsibility I had in my hands, my mind was always occupied by thoughts of high school love. Back then, I didn't have to worry about much. School was easy. Life wasn't too hard. I was certain about the future. And I had all the self confident in the world in term of intelligent and capability. So my numero uno concern was about the freedom of having a boyfriend and being in love and all that other teenage hormonal stuff. But then again, didn't we all at 16?
Seven years later and here I am. 23 years old. School wasn't that easy. Life is kinda hard. I don't know my future. And I don't know where all my self confident have gone. I have lots of freedom now, but even more responsibilities. I don't really think about love because my mind is complete occupied with the uncertainty of tomorrow. I semi-plan things to avoid failure, and yet very little works out in the end. Such is now while I am sitting here, unsure of what I will be doing tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that.
I had thought, no, envisioned about my days of June ever since December when I was told about the program. And thought I had doubts, lying awake at 3 am feeling anxious about the idea of being somewhere in Africa and away from all the simple comforts, I also was excited for the days to come. I keep trying to tell myself that this too shall pass, that before I know it, I will be doing what I want and get out of this eternal slump.
But then I go a read blogs from Peace Corps volunteers and trainess and feel so down all over again. If I don't do it, I'm afraid that I will forget that I want it. But when I do it, I feel sad because I don't know when it will come.
My appointment to discuss my health status (again) at the clinic is Monday.
Listening to One Republic isn't also really helping this mood.