This time last year I swore in as a Peace Corps volunteer, hyperventilated and eager to leave the realm of training to enter the real world of the “toughest job I’d ever love”, completely self assured that I would no doubt make my marks, big or small. Now, as I am sitting here fatigued with some unexpected sickness, the thought of another year to go really poses the question, can I really make a mark at all? And it made me sad.
We recently had an All Volunteer Conference in which everyone single Peace Corps Volunteers in Ghana gather together for some fun socializing time as well as learning about the new tricks and bits of the development work world. It was during this time that I realized I am not as an impressive Health volunteer as I thought I was. It’s not a self pitying statement. I know what I have done, and most of them don’t fit under my sector’s category. My peers’ passion and motivation really leave something to be desire in my work.
I have been going through some rough spots lately, but it's nothing out of the ordinary in term of the rollercoaster of emotions that that us PCVs experience through out our service. My discoveries above only added to what I have been feelings, self-hate and doubts, and my response to it has been massive consumption of alcohol under the name of fun. However, as I make it to the otherside of debauchery, I realized something.
I have been going through some rough spots lately, but it's nothing out of the ordinary in term of the rollercoaster of emotions that that us PCVs experience through out our service. My discoveries above only added to what I have been feelings, self-hate and doubts, and my response to it has been massive consumption of alcohol under the name of fun. However, as I make it to the otherside of debauchery, I realized something.
I am not an A student, and that’s okay with me, and I think Ghana has changed me.
In saying this, I can say that the most fruitful of my Peace Corps experience has been about self realization and discovery. Every project I have done, I have tried my best. Some worked and some faltered and some are on the edge. I can only live and learn from my mistakes and try not to be so hard on myself. A year ago, I would not have been able to think this way, and I think this is a sign of my growing up. Scary.
Getting further into this, I can say that I couldn’t have gotten to this point without a network of support by the friends I have made here in the last year – incredibly interesting characters from all the corners of America that I otherwise would have not met living in Southern California half of my life. They have gotten me through some rough spots and embraced me with so much love one person, whom otherwise could have been a total stranger to me a year ago, could give the other even as we all live as least 5 hours away in any direction.
And for those who really knows me, I don’t talk openly about love or feelings this much, or ever. So really, Ghana has changed me.
I guess to sum it up, I’m still glad to be here, warts and all.
... And now for the sponsor's portion: I am currently helping my community build 146 individual and shared latrines. We are at the funding stage waiting for supplies to proceed. I am looking for donation for the project from anyone under any amount. If you are reading this, and you don't even know me, it's okay, I will forgive you for just $5 or $10 or more.
