Three days ago I turned 25. Four days before that, we found out that one of friends in the Peace Corps passed away from a brief illness.
Needless to say the news was both shocking and painful for all of us. I still don’t really know how to formulate what I have been feeling in the last week into proper thoughts and expressions – so this blog post might be a pathetic attempt, please bear with me.
None of these feelings is about me. When you find yourself in a situation in which you are the third party witnessing lighting and thunder happening in someone else’s world, life ceases to be about you. I am not sad for myself. I am sad for my friend Dani who was taken away from this world so unexpectedly and on some levels, so unfairly.
Since the moment that I was told that she passed away, the one year of us knowing each other replayed in my head. What she was like the first time I met her. What she was like the last time I saw her. What we promised to do together the next time we see each other. I was hoping that they made a mistake. That she was just in a real deep sleep, a coma, and she would wake up eventually, and we will all be free of grief. I couldn’t believe it. I still can’t believe it. She was impressive, and now there’s a hole in our lives.
I couldn’t cry for Dani and that was shit. I have shed tears over much lesser things (ex-boyfriends) and she deserves all my tears, but I had nothing. I know she would have cried for me, and for that, I am forever guilty. My heart hurts for her, and I hope she understands.
· Peace Corps did a press release about her, you can read it here. https://donate.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=donate.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=13-641-017
In one of our last conversations, we talked about our hairs, how I really admire black women’s fros while she wished for the Asian smooth locks. We both agreed that we will trade hair in our next lives, so here’s hoping that she has silky strands and live pass a hundred in the next one.
It was also during this time, that I learned to appreciate my Peace Corps family even more. Just three weeks ago, we had an All Volunteers Conference, and I got to meet everyone. I wrote about the interesting characters I met in the last blog. I returned to site looking forward to run into them at a sub office or work on a project together in the next year. Dani’s news brought us together again all too soon, but I was glad once again that they were there. Everyone got together to put on Dani’s memorial service, and it was impressive to see what we could accomplish as a whole.
My birthday was in the midst of everything. I was looking forward to have a good birthday this year only because I like the number 25 and felt that this was a milestone. Plus, entering the quarter life, who doesn’t want an excuse to drink? But I also did not want to make my friends feel that they were obligated to celebrate with me while they were grieving for Dani. It felt improper. But some of my closest friends made it clear that they were there for me as well. We had a small celebration. I didn’t pay for a single drink or food. Ate everything I wanted for the night, and went home at a decent hour. I had pants on. It was all very classy. To be cheesy, I am overwhelmed by love. I couldn’t appreciate these people more if I try.
To end all this babbling, I guess I’m just so glad to be in Peace Corps right now. I am going home to America in one week to visit, part of me isn’t ready for it at all, and I am probably going to cope with it through excessive food consumption. You are free to join me then.
And finally, a shameless plug in about my latrine project – donations are tax deductable. https://donate.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=donate.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=13-641-017
