feels like a root canal

Seeing my family is like taking a trip to the dentist. I don't want to do it, but I have to do it. It's a mandatory obligation (redundant, I know) and I can't get out of it. I slightly look forward to it hoping that this experience will be better than the last, and I am wrong every time. I immediately regret my decision and tell myself that no matter, I won't make the same mistake again next time, but who am I kidding, I will make the same mistake next time, and that is to show up. The only different is that at least at the dentist, I can ask for anesthesia and seeing my family is ten times the raw pain and no drugs.

Yes, I am in Los Angeles. Maybe it's me, maybe not, but something about the city today completely pissed me off. The second I entered Los Angeles territory, my mood went sour. Why is there always traffic in LA no matter what hours I am driving. Between 3-6pm on a week day, yes, I understand rush hour, but on a weekend? or 2am on a week night? Where the fuck are these people going? And why can't they fucking carpool? Why are the lanes so small? And if there are that many cars travel up and down the same freeway every day, why aren't there more lanes?

Traffic usually doesn't bother me that much, I like just chilling in my car anyway, but I was straight up angry for a good 45 minutes today driving through the UCLA area. As opposed to SD drivers who are bad, would randomly drive slow on a fast lane and don't like to signal while changing lanes, LA drivers are just straight up obnoxious and think they own the fucking street. New flash, you don't, the fucking pedestrians do, them and their bikes, and skate boards, not you in your souped up whatever car.

On top of that, I noticed that LA water makes me pruny. I went in for a quick shower, and came out almost a raisin, except lighter in color. What the hell do you put in your water? God forbid I decided to take a bath, I can't even fathom the thought, ugh.

I miss San Diego already.

Since finding out about the tsunami, I have been kind of worried that my flight would be canceled, or that my family would hear about it, and not want me to go. Since the beginning, they haven't been too thrilled about my trip to Vietnam. Actually, they haven't been too thrilled about any trips I have been on. They love America and would rather me stay put. I understand their sentiment, but I can't spend my entire life doing what they want me to do, thus the reason I am going on this trip by myself. This decision, I realized, benefits no one, including me, and I'm the one who's going on the trip.

Anyway, I am extremely stressed out about this trip, more so than any other trips I have been on to. I'm not sure how to explain it. From a tourist point of view, I am so ready and shouldn't worry because it is a place where I know the language and have certain connections with people that aren't at all shady. From a Vietnamese returnee point of view, it's kind of a nightmare. My family are feeding me these horror stories of Vietnamese-American or "viet-kieu" experiencing exploits from the people they know, and they're kinda getting to me.

A very good friend of mine told me about a study in Newsweek which shows that people who aren't given too much options often make the best choices. Though I don't know how legit that study is, as we all know pop psychology isn't always too reliable, I am choosing to believe it and just going to dive head in on this matter hoping for the best. Since there is a dark side and a light side to everything, and right now I am trying very hard to keep myself on the light side. It's not an easy task because we all know I am naturally a pessimist, and being around my family accentuates it ten folds.