bad Peace Corps jokes

Today I found out that I will be going to Philadelphia for staging. How exciting! I've never been there so it'll be a trip, though it's just going to be one night. Somehow, this blog has become a count down measure to my Peace Corps trip. I had meant to write more witty and interesting things here but I seriously dropped the ball on this. Maybe in a few months when I'm settled down I'll better.

Anywho, Happy New Year!

I am so glad the holidays are over. I have never been a fan. Every year I spend Xmas with my family, and every year I always end up feeling grumpy and have to leave the house for a few hours. Family gathering used to be a favorite thing for me when I was little, but since we came to America, it sort of went down hill and became just another day for hostilities.

This year, I went and saw a Sherlock Holmes. I'm a pretty huge mystery crime/Holmes fan so even thought I don't believe that Robert Downey Jr. is fit as Holmes, the whole how-did-he-do-it theme never gets old for me, and I enjoyed the movie through-roughly.

It's been five days into January and it felt like an eternity. I submitted my 2 weeks notices last week and have been hauling ass to get some of my projects done before my departure next week. For some reason, the work load always seems to multiply itself while you're working on a deadline. I guess this is the real world. All work. No play. And you ended up hating yourself eventually. So glad all that is about to end before I go any further.

Things with Peace Corps is starting to move again after a few months of silence since the invitation letter. There is a facebook group and everything and people are talking and the excitement is brewing. I think there are going to be 25 people in my group to Ghana. I check the Facebook and they are all pretty much women. lol. I think there is a stereotype out there about Peace Corps being predominantly women, and I guess it's true. Though I hope the stereo type about these women going to Africa to look for a husband is faux because frankly, I'm so over people telling me that I'm going to 'find a husband'/'come back with a baby'/'get myself a man'/'catch myself a bush man' when I'm in Ghana. Sure they're joking, but just like any terrible jokes, I can't wait for this shit to end.

Seriously? Why in the world would I drop my entire life for 2 years just so I could move to a foreign land to find myself a man? How little value does a person have to even consider this option? if you know me, you would know that I like jokes. I often am the one who say the ridiculous joke, cracking up that the most outrageous thing, and I can handle a lot of messed up funny stuff. The only I don't appreciate are rape jokes and fat jokes, but this typing of 'husband seeking' joke is pretty close to making to my no appreciation list.

I know I shouldn't get too riled up over this kind of talk, but to me, they are just so belittling. It is as if people are saying, as a woman, I shouldn't be doing anything else but focusing on finding a man, at any cost. Just talking about this pisses me off all over again. Growing up in a chauvinistic culture, I am constantly fighting against the type, with my family, with my people. When I hear these remarks, it is as if they are mocking my effort, and that, above all, is really insulting.

small-dick-complex, a real traffic problem.

Whoever invented the ugly-ass small dick car seriously should slap himself.


It's one thing to have terrible self image problem and taking it out on the streets, but it's another thing when said image problem gets in the way of traffic and disturbs innocent people. I don't know what purpose those giant wheels fulfill, but they don't seem to get you fools away from me any faster. In fact, I feel like every time I see you, you are either right behind me or right behind some other poor car, flashing your ridiculous head lights and pissing off the drivers. Rude ass bitch.


First of all, why the fuck are you tailing me when there are no cars on either side of us for a good few miles? If you want to move faster, go the fuck around. Just because you have wheels made for semis doesn't mean you are a semi, so don't think my ass is scared of you, you giant firefly on wheels. Real truck don't need to harass people with their lights to make way because their presences alone demand respect. Your presence alone is a joke. Get away from me.

And seriously, why the fuck would anyone need head lights that bright? Isn't that what high beam lights are for? And it's not like they are having trouble seeing when sitting up so high over looking all the other cars anyway. Turn those fucking lights down, you mother fucker. Your ass is not blind. You don't need that much light to see the streets. And if you are blind, then your ass has no business driving in the first place. Get off the streets, asshole.

People with regular sized cars rarely have their penis size questioned, and people with small/compact sized cars never pissed off other drivers and even gets respect sometime. Maybe they're onto something here, that bigger car does not equal bigger dick, having a car that ugly is just rude and it applies to everyone who owns one. You are not the exception. You and your small dick is not special. Cut that shit out. Go green, get a hybrid and for fuck's sake, save the planet, damn it.


I'm using the term 'he' and 'his' when talking about this because let's face it, it's not sexism when one gender does in fact worry about the size of their genital more than the other and some of them are always trying to prove their worth through obnoxious compensation measurements. No woman with half a common sense would ever want to be seen stepping out of the driver side of these cars. Any man with an half inch dick would probably own one though.

Calling these drivers neanderthals would probably be insulting to the neanderthals since they didn't invent the wheels and therefore are not indirectly contributing to the green house effect while the shit emitting from these cars probably are contributing to the glaciers melting.

Sometime I wonder, do these people know the reputation that comes with owning and operating these dreadful hybrid of a car or are they all delusional and think that the rule doesn't apply to them?

Octobers are always bad.

Remember when I said that this October has been relatively handle-able and expected a quiet end to October?

Yeah well, I guess I spoke too soon. Since this weekend I managed to lost my phone and locked myself out of the laundry room without a key to get in while my clothes were still in the dryer. I thought the big bang of bad luck this year would be the food poisoning thing but it turned out to be this. Oh well, I wasn't too crazy about that phone anyway. Let's just hope that the naked pictures I took of myself aren't gonna come back later to haunt me when I'm important/rich and famous later.

Just kidding, I don't have naked pictures. Just in case someone took me seriously, it's so hard doing sarcasm through text.

So beside the disability of not knowing what time it is, I am glad to report that life isn't falling apart because I am without a cell phone. How transcendentalism is that? It's as if I'm totally living Walden. (Again, sarcasm)

Moving on... the last three months of the year, for me, is always the longest with the most annoying holidays, Thanksgiving, XMas, happiness and commercialized life style overload, ugh, whatever.  The downside is, this year seems like it's going to be extra hard to endure because I am so much closer in proximity to my family than ever and all I want is for January to come so I can quit my job and pack my bags. Looking forward to something sucks. The upside? I hear there are great shopping deals around these time on a certain Friday.

I have spent a quiet amount of time on the interweb researching about what I need to bring for Ghana, and finalized them down to a list, so there is definitely going to some serious spending this next two months. If I'm not already broke enough now, I will for sure be broke then.

Some (very few) of my friends asked me if there were anything I would like for them to buy for me, and under normal circumstances, I would say preach a Destiny's Child song and say, I buy my own shitz!, but the fact is, I could totally use the help and would love to have something to think of them when I'm away, so I crafted a Wish List on Amazon. So if anyone feels generous, you are welcome to check out my list. You can even engrave your names on the stuff so I can be permanently in your debt and never forget it.

100 days to go.

October is ending. I don't want to speak too soon and then get hit by lightning or something, but this year's bad luck streak have been relatively handle-able.

My internet was out for 2 weeks and I almost gotten hit on the freeway twice in the same 2 minutes and lost some important keys after a week of holding on to them securely and some other miscellaneous bad shits that sort just blended all together now in my head, but overall, I am relatively in one piece and life goes on.

Sure, I'm currently the only person in the office who got a case of food poisoning off El Pollo Loco grilled chicken from the communal staff lunch. I finally able to handle a solid meal after 48 hours of stomach-ache so life is looking up. Still, it's kinda sad and discouraging in term of chicken because now I can't think about the food without feeling a little bit pukey and that sucks. I mean, if I can't think about chicken what can I think about???

Life is cruel.

But I'm still alive. So yay. 100 days until departure.

Goodness gracious it's posts like this that makes me realize how lame my life has become. I need some serious drinking and dancing and lovin'

who gives a shit

"Not everyone can be a doctor," this was said to my mother by someone whose own daughter is a doctor as they discuss (and probably compare) their children. And this person thought she has the upper hand because her own child is now a successful doctor while I am still a post graduate who's about to enter a semi-nomadic lifestyle of being a Peace Corps volunteer. She even told my mom, "I wouldn't let her go to Africa if she was my kid." And she probably thought that she would appear sympathy trying to 'comfort' my mother in light of me leaving for a poor 3rd world country.

And for that, I feel bad for my mother having to listen to this person gloats, but that's the only thing I feel bad about. To the rest, I say, who gives a shit.

So what if I'm not a doctor. I have plenty of friends who are studying to be doctors, and that's cool because that's what they want to do. Not me. Chemistry excites me as much okra, and okra is gross. I don't want to be a doctor, and I'm okay with it. I don't want to touch, cut, feel, heal people. But I still want to help them... in some other ways. My mother is still getting used to it, and she'll come around, so really, who cares about what you think, dear person who probably don't even know what the box is to even phantom the idea of thinking outside it.

But then of course, this is a norm in the Vietnamese/Asian culture. People living against a master standard and if something/someone doesn't measure up to it, it's considered worthless. Again, if you ask me, I say, fuck that shit.

I don't need to be conventional or follow any traditions against my will. I will do whatever I please, and I will make it. I won't be a doctor but I will do other things, and hopefully in the process, make my mom (and dad, and grandpa and grandma and other people who care) proud. Just you wait inside your box and see, if you can even see that far outside the lines.

gonna disappoint you for a few more years

WARNING: This post is kind of a downer. And contains lots of feelings (mine) so if you don't care for some sappy shit, don't read it. You have been warned.

hump day, but not the fun kind

It's 9:15pm and I probably will have to go to sleep in an hour. I just got home from work 1.5 hrs ago. I hate this. I hate having so little time to take care of things, to relax, to watch some shows, to do some paper works because I spent the of my free time in traffic. Every. Fucking. Day.

How do people do it? Same thing, same drive everyday. It's been only about 3 going to 4 months for me and I seriously am going nuts. A couple more days and I will have a different route and hopefully it will be less shitty than this one.

I really don't see myself doing this 9-5 (or 6) routine again anytime soon in the future. 4 more months. Ohmygod it's four more months? Again, how do people do this for years? Decades? Their entire lives? If this is what the real world is, it sucks. If this is 'living' I'd rather be in a coma. Why not? I already feel like a zombie from this mind numbing routines that people seem to be so comfortable with. If this is 'growing up', how do I stop?

I don't remember what fun feels like.

so. much. paper. works.

Congratulation and welcome to the Peace Corps. Here are 938479202932 more papers works for you to fill out, sign, get certify, mail in. Please take your time to complete them all, but make sure to do that in 10 days or less.

The meaningful like lesson here, kids, is that you have work hard to get where you are, but once you are there, you have to work hard to stay there. Otherwise you'll be kicked back to where you came from and second chances are rare.

Okay, I'm exasperating a bit here. After the initial "I got into the Peace Corps and going to Ghana" high, I'm facing an other mount of paper work. One more vaccination shot, one more passport application, one more essay to write, one more resume to edit, one (or a ton) more forms to sign, one more page to make copy to keep. And by one, I mean a lot. I have a headache, can ya blame me?

On the bright side. One more week until a real bed.

the internet is down and im typing on the kindle

because thats how addicted to the internet i am. and how much i want to vent. the bright side is, i prob will get to sleep early tonight.

plese pardon the terrible language format/spelling errors.

i dont remember the last time i was this anxious about something, not even when i applied for college. i know that UPS is delivering the package, and it usually takes about 5-7 days but they are often so prompt about it. and maybe PC is more legit and uses UPS Expres instad, and that should even be quicker... but either way it was a toal let down coming home today and not seeing that package waiting for me. man,i even skipped going to the Y to be home earlier (though i am not really sad about that.)

this is torture.

a friend of mine who spent the entire month of august fasting for Ramadan said that the last week/day was the hardest because you are so cloe to the finish you lose your patience. sure i didnt starve myself when the sun is out ever since november but by calculation i should have the envelope in my hands right now,and i am sad that it isnt. i.want. to. know.

tomorro or whenever i finally get  the package i will probably read this post and laugh at how silly i sound right now, but untl then, this is so lameeeeeeee

single female needs place to live

Holy shit, it's raining in the valley. In the middle of September, with thunder and everything. Another pleasant surprise. This week is getting out of control.

Of course compare to places like Seattle or Boston, this means less than nothing since sunshine is a rare concept there, but in this god forsaken 112 degree at 4 in the afternoon and sunshine all the fucking time valley, it's a pretty fucking chill thing for it to rain. Pun entirely intended.

Of course it only lasted for a good hour and now the sun is out again and the neighbor kids are all out and about and screaming their heads off. Fucking children. Shouldn't they be inside learning math or something? School started last week. Don't they have homework? Fucking kids. Go read a book, damn.

Thus is why I am seeking for a new place to live. Until I leave for PC that is. It's not that hard to leave my current place (my parent's couch) to find something that suits me better (a bed). After Vietnam, I only intended to stay at my parents for about 3 weeks. It's been more than 3 months now. It's definitely time. Especially since now I have an idea of when I will get out of here.

For various reasons, finding a roommate in college was so easy, and I always end up with amazing roommate (which the few exceptions of course). Which makes this entire process of combing craigslist for normal/sane/non-creepy people the more shitty. I just need a place to live. A room with four wall would be nice. A place to park my car, to put my plastic container of clothes and sleep at night. That's it. And maybe a fridge because I like cold water, then that's it. I have spent years sleeping on couches and cots, I am not picky. But noo, it's not that easy.

I hate LA. Everything is so fucking expensive, and so is the living. Furnished? Okay. Utilities included? Yes please. Almost 500 bucks to share a studio with you and your dog/cat/both? Hmm... You are a 45 years old male who prefers that I work in the modeling industry? What. the. fuck? Male seeking female roommate only to share a bed and save money? Are you fucking serious?

Where can normal people go to look for a place to live around here? The internet is such a scary place. What did people use to do before this?

rant #15

Do people become less open minded, or just less open as they get older? When and how does one's life lose its elasticity and become rigid and set?

I don't know how to put it, but being one of the youngest/ and single person at my work place, sometime I find myself so out of place. People who are just a few years older than me are ready to settle down, or those who are settled down are content and even those who aren't content or settled down show acceptance of their current set up.

I don't get it.

And domestication. What's that all about? 

My family is not the source of my happiness. Maybe I am just too two dimensional and unable to detect the underlying bliss that I'm supposed to feel at the end of the day that would make me want to have my own someday.

I feel out of place because when I speak of bigger things, they aren't always shared. Does happiness have to end with a family, a house with white picket fence and 2.5 kids?

"Why are white people at the Harlem Pride!?!?... What are these old white people doing there?!?"

Ever since I finished Misfits last week, I have been feeling empty on the inside. Probably because I have little else to look forward to after the hour drive back from work.

And thank goodness that work is enjoyable, making my one hour drive each way directly toward the sun semi worth it. Sitting in the same corridor with my immediate boss, having to light turned off the entire day because he too, does not enjoy strong lights while listen to him talk out loud to his emails (i.e: today's post's title) and give his computer sass for being non-cooperative has been a blast. There is always something for me to do, I don't have to constantly watch my back for a personal neck-breather, and I can eat at my desk anytime I want (probably not a good idea in the long run). I guess I am blessed to have found this job after almost a year of struggling. And despite Peace Corps being on hold for now, I consider this a part of my Peace Corps training since I'm sure what I see/learn here will be useful in Peace Corps.

Plus, every day, I get to enjoy these wonderful perks such as:

a. Mexican fruits stand from across the street. Can you say fiber?

for only FOUR dollars

b. random non-homeless looking individuals passing out in front of family oriented locations such as this elderly home

some people just like to forget
that Tuesday ever happened

And that's pretty much it.

Every morning, I drive to work dreaming of being somewhere else, especially on days when the sun is so fucking bright at only 8am (which is every-fucking-day). Ihatesummer. I don't particularly miss San Diego, I have had my times there, and it was/is time for me to move on and out, so not being there doesn't make me sad. I am only sad that instead of being in SD or somewhere else, I am in LA.

So many factors play into the reasons of why LA is a terrible city for me. And as this blog is pretty much always on the borderline of personal rants vs. a display of my travel and experience, I'm gonna put one foot over the other line today and complain today, so this is your last chance to stop reading now.

Alright, don't say I didn't warn you.

goddamn it.

Ever want to test your patience? Apply to the Peace Corps. You'll be surprise how thin you can stretch it (your patience) as I am surprise at myself right now for still wanting to continue to pursue this. Should I just fucking give up and submit myself to some other plan and spend the rest of my life wondering what if or should I contie hanging on wondering when is this ever going to happen?

Oh lord Jesus. Time for an escape plan.

Repaying student loans is killing me.

is it bad to feel that everyone is living more exciting lives than me?

When I was 16, my biggest problem was about love. No matter how well I was doing in school, how great my relationship was with my friends, how little responsibility I had in my hands, my mind was always occupied by thoughts of high school love. Back then, I didn't have to worry about much. School was easy. Life wasn't too hard. I was certain about the future. And I had all the self confident in the world in term of intelligent and capability. So my numero uno concern was about the freedom of having a boyfriend and being in love and all that other teenage hormonal stuff. But then again, didn't we all at 16?
Seven years later and here I am. 23 years old. School wasn't that easy. Life is kinda hard. I don't know my future. And I don't know where all my self confident have gone. I have lots of freedom now, but even more responsibilities. I don't really think about love because my mind is complete occupied with the uncertainty of tomorrow. I semi-plan things to avoid failure, and yet very little works out in the end. Such is now while I am sitting here, unsure of what I will be doing tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that.
I had thought, no, envisioned about my days of June ever since December when I was told about the program. And thought I had doubts, lying awake at 3 am feeling anxious about the idea of being somewhere in Africa and away from all the simple comforts, I also was excited for the days to come. I keep trying to tell myself that this too shall pass, that before I know it, I will be doing what I want and get out of this eternal slump.
But then I go a read blogs from Peace Corps volunteers and trainess and feel so down all over again. If I don't do it, I'm afraid that I will forget that I want it. But when I do it, I feel sad because I don't know when it will come.
My appointment to discuss my health status (again) at the clinic is Monday.
Listening to One Republic isn't also really helping this mood.

frustration is what it is.

After the last post about my negative feeling about my prospective future with PC. I received a confirmation email staying that I definitely am not making it to the June PC sent off for real.
Sad? Yes.
Disappointed? Yes.
Surprise? Not really. I had a hunch that something wasn't going to work out.
As an attempt to push myself forward and stay optimistic about life and blah blah blah after this news, I tell myself, everything happens for a reason, just be like that little cat in that one little poster and keep hanging on (you know what I'm talking about), and one day I'll understand the reason for all the screwed up shits that happened. Instead of sitting around and mope, I applied for a few jobs went to SD and had some fun distractions, then today, I came back to a letter telling me that my Medical Kit is still incomplete... and more questionnaires about my health are needed to be filled out, like my ability to ride a bike and lifting 50 lbs. I guess it makes sense now why I am not leaving next week.
The frustrating part is that I keep having to go back and forth to the doctors and health places to request additional information for PC, and that they are pretty much just keeping me in the dark with everything they are doing and won't tell me how the process is going until they need something from me, which is usually some more paper works.
The 3 pages of documents they are asking me to fill out are about my physically ability, which my doctor has already stayed that I am healthy and fully vaccinated. Then they want to know more about my TB test by requesting confirmation that my skin test was positive but I do not have TB, which I also already sent to them 2 months ago.
There are nothing new that I need to do, just running around the same paper trail I have been establishing for the past couple of months, (except for a Polio Booster, which I somehow missed out on getting). And now that I have move to LA, going back to the same clinic in SD for more stuff will become annoying.

gloom

My immediate future is looking bleak.

The government as decided to cut some of PC's budget and some programs are no longer available, and for those that are, the completion process might actually take longer than usual.

My instinct is telling me that I might not make it to Africa as soon as I hope... or at all. Reading all the current and pass PC blogs, it seems that I might even have to wait longer for this departure date if that happens.

I'm trying to stay optimistic, but fuck...

It's been almost a year since I've gotten out of college. I'm starting to really feel like a complete failure now at this point. I want to pack my bags and travel again, but I don't think that's will sit well at all with my parents. The pressure of "what are you going to do?" and "what are your plans?" are really pushing down on me. At this point, in their eyes, I'm pretty much good for nothing because I don't have a job and making money. I have been applying at places again after a hiatus, but the same trend is happening. I'm starting to real question my market value. Why am I not selling?

The high of my 1.5 month in Vietnam is wearing off, too soon. I don't want to go back to the sad pathetic self I was before I left, but at this rate, I am afraid I might be. I'm just living one day at a time right now, waiting for today to finish so tomorrow can come and hopefully brings me some good news.

This is definitely not what I expected to see myself five years ago.

half full, half empty

Tonight is my last night here in the city. I was really looking forward to being here again for the past 11 years, and as I am preparing to leave it, mixed emotions rise.

Beside volunteering, I wanted to do nothing here except basking in what used to be a part of my childhood. Just 2 months ago, the thought of being here seems preposterous. I dreamed and dreamed of meeting just a few individuals once again, be there friends again, be a local again, but now as I am about to leave, I have to admit, I was only able to do 50 percents of all that, partially because during the decade I was gone, things have changed and I could no longer relive it.

I can't say that I am not disappointed, because I always felt that I missed out on my childhood the moment I moved to the states. Lots of things have happened after had made me grown up too fast that I only wish to be able to return to the days of innocence just for a second, have all my burdens lifted and be that carefree self once again. Thus my desire to return here. But as things have changed, the pieces no longer fit. Reliving my childhood is out of the question, I can only recall what used to be while standing in the physicals of my memories.

But I am also glad that I have been fortunate enough to meet half of the people I wanted to meet. These few days of being around them only made me wish even more that I could somehow experience what went on while I was gone, but it also made me realized how much more fortunate I am for being where I am.

After weeks of promises, I found out that certain people didn't want to meet me, and I could lie and say that doesn't matter to me, but the fact is it does. I hurts me to know that even my attempt to catch a glimpse of what used to be could still be rejected, that I had waited for these days for so long just to have some closure between friends, but I shouldn't have. I walked away disappointed, angry and didn't know who to blame. I guess it isn't too bad of a sent off because the next time I return, less expectation will be brought and more time will be spend with those who matter.

Fifty percent, half fun, half sad. Now I have to decide which half of the glass I am.

a few drinks in

The downside of drinking in a foreign country is that when everyone else is done, you have no other friends to call to keep the party going.

Hi everyone,

I went drinking with my cousin again today. Yes, party with the dirty old men par deux. But of course, they're all old and married so they start at 6pm and call it a night at 9pm. Yes, 9pm, I barely got started and got sent home so now I'm buzzed and sad because I don't have any other drinking buddy.

I guess I could always go to the same restaurant and get a pretty young thing to share a few with me while I check out her tits/ass.

It's freaking 10 pm here and everyone I know is heading to bed. Granted that they're all old and whatever, but fuck. I miss my young ragers partiers friends.

how foreigners make themselves look bad to locals

Today was my second night at the Engish Cafe/Club. My friend and I was actually on time this time, and we even had a good group of people instead of sitting my ourselves because we were late like last time.

How the meeting operates is that people are divided by groups, and each is set to discuss a sub-topic of a bigger topic for the night. Then all the groups would hear what the other talk about and furtherly discuss the topic with each other. It's a way to get everyone talking and learning to use category specific vocabulary.

Tonight's topic was "Co-habbiting without a marriage liscence and Marriage." What I got out of what young people like me are saying is that, they prefer to marry a person before living together because the Vietnamese society values the virginal status of the bride and if there will be a lot of pressure on the couple if they are just living together and not married.

I was a bit shocked to hear these idea because I had expected a more modernized answer, but I wasn't that shocked because after seeing that my friends here are still heavily attached to their family and all the social traditions. I guess that means that I will never brings honor to my family as a blushing bride. Oh well.

Anyway, there was a older American there as a facilator to one of the English speaking group. He stood out a lot because of his age, around middle age, and his attitude, he wasn't that friendly. As the discussion went around, he was very outspoken and opinionated about what the other young speakers have said regarding marriage. His tone was a bit condesending and patronizing commenting on how he has been to about 8 weddings in Vietnam and they all pretty sucked because everyone rushed in and out, and how he doesn't understand why there are so many bridal and wedding studios in the city or why everyone invites people they don't know to weddings and pretty much concluded that Vietnamese marriage is often about money and not love or enjoyment of the couple's reunion.

He is so lucky that the majority of the people in the room didn't have enough English vocabulary to give him a rebutal or just didn't understand completely what he was saying. Honestly, who the hell is this guy coming in here criticizing a country with thousands of years' ceremony and tradition? And if he hates it so much, why didn't he stop at wedding number 4 or number 5 and went to all 8 only to bitch about it now? Being the only non-white person who speaks and understands English fluently, I had to explain to him the flaws in his statements, that we don't just invite anyone, and those who are invited can not refused because lots of thoughts are put into the invitation, and wedding in Vietnam has seen better traditional days but it's not just a business like he thinks now. But he didn't even bother to turn around to look at me as I spoke to him and continued to refuse to see my point by saying that all he knows is that American wedding are way more fun and more sincere.

Wow... really? 250 years old America has better traditions and values than more than 3000 years of Vietnamese traditions. Like I said, he is lucky that no one else in the room knew enough English to tear him a new one, and that the discussion was ended before I finished speaking my piece.

I am told that he is the husband of Helping Hand Saigon's founder, and often expressed his negative attitude toward Vietnamese traditions during English Club time. Then why the fuck are you still here man? Get the fuck out of this place if you hate it so much, because now you're just annoying people with your pessimistic and shallow insutls about their culture. What you know is only the size of my pinky toe's nail and is nothing worth mentioning so don't just assume my entire culture is base on your wikipedia knowledge. Seriously, you are making yourself look bad, and just because no one is saying anything, doesn't mean they're not thinking about how shiteous you are for looking down on their culture. And what makes you think you are better than us to even look down on us, being white and ignorant?

I spent some part of my life making fun of people like you for a good laugh, but to really run into one of you, you should be really glad that there were barriers that kept me from whiping out my dick and slapping you silly.

Honestly, to come to a foreign country and to have stayed here for obviously a long time, he should at least learn to appreciate its good and bad sides as oppose to compare it to your homeland that is a melting pots of cultures. I think he thought that he could talk shit since there was also no one who could call him bullshit on making American culture seems way better than it really is.

Good news is, I made some more local friends and we're going places so more pictures soon.

Trouble in paradise. I could use a drink right now

Alright, I know I'm supposed to talk about Nha Trang, one of the very popular tourist spots around here, but my mind is too occupied on how to retain my self confidence for the rest of the trip.

I mentioned this in my last post, but I seriously feel like a massive cow walking around town next to these skinny local girls. People that I know and even random strangers/shop keepers make comments about how chubby I am. I honestly do not think I am that much bigger than everyone here, but apparently I am . I'm afraid that this experience is going to give me an eating complex later on. I do not feel comfortable in my own skin here, and all the self confidence I have about myself are starting to diminish. I have been wearing sport bras instead of real bras to appear less thick. Shit is not looking good. I do not want to continue to feel this way. Everytime I take a bite of food, I feel are looking at me as thinking "Of course she would be eating like that, she is fat after all."

I don't think I can last too long being like this. Granted that these comments have been subtle most of the time, but hearing "you're so chubby" and "are you not eating because you're afraid of getting fat?" are starting to get to me. Fuck man, I am not eating because I am FULL or just not hungry. Stop trying to feed me then look at me while I am eating like it's a fucking freak show.

I find myself wondering if I had stay in Vietnam and not gone to the U.S 11 years ago, would I turn out looking just like all these locals or would I have grown differently. Life really has a funny way of messing with your head sometime.

Maybe I shouldn't be too sensitive about these comments since this is ruining my mood. If people think I'm fat, that's fine, but I'd rather not hear about it. I like to be happy, and I like to not think about sad shit, and all this is ruining my mood. I haven't felt this self conscious/fat and ugly in years. It's not doing me good.

Knowing that I am from America doesn't help thing a bit. Now people are assuming that just because I am fat and from America, it means that I am rich because rich people are fat and have lots of money and therefore they should mine me for all my worth.

No bitches, once again, I am PO', which is why I am traveling in a country whose currency is lower than the U.S not higher. I am not here to steal your men, eat all your food or stretch out your clothes. I just want to revisit what's left of my childhood so I can move on with my life. Just let me be. Damn.

And while I'm at it, what does a girl have to do to get some toilet paper around here? Damn. I understand that there is a European practice of washing yourself with water and toilet with European still wash faucet that are attached to it, but I would still like to wipe myself dry. Enough is enough. I gotta head to the store.

And maybe while I'm at the store, could someone point me to the anti-mosquitoes section? Because all these bites are getting out of control. I am not a fucking piece of meat. Sure I might look like a cow, but I ain't to high quality rare steak regardless of how delicious smelling I might be. Stop sucking up all my blood, adding more "maybe they'll suck out your fat too" jokes to my life. I don't need no more of that shit.

The following pics are not for the faint of heart. Other places are not too public friendly

I make a fine meal.