Everybody Loves Pho.

I’ve been on an Anthony Bourdain bender lately. The snow is burying up the city, the trains aren’t moving and kids aren’t going to school. Snow days have been Tony days. If I’m not eating and traveling, I might as well watch someone else do it. I’m a masochist in that way. Both Hulu and Netflix have various shows featuring Bourdain, but the gist is all the same, mouthy middle aged white man/chef travels to interesting places in the world and eats his heart out. My dream job if there was ever one. I wouldn’t even mind being a middle aged white man to do it. But really though, I want his job.

Out of all the places that he has been to, Vietnam is his favorite place and I totally get it. Vietnamese food in Vietnam is amazeballs. I moved from Vietnam 15 years ago and could still remember what all my favorite street food tasted like, and even where I used to get them. My only regret from my trip in 2011 is that I didn’t eat enough. In America, I love me some fried chicken/chicken wings, I eat Chinese food like a fiend and I would shell out money for quality sushi, but I approach Vietnamese food like a paranoid cat to a stranger. I’m extremely picky with Vietnamese food in America. 

Now, before I go on, I want to make a clarification, when I say Vietnamese food, for all purposes I mean street food/restaurant food, not meals that you get at home. Things that you see at Vietnamese restaurants like pho or other types of noodles soup, for instance, are considered street food, not meals. People in Vietnam don’t regularly cook food like pho for a daily meal. One is because the broth alone could take up a day of cooking and two is why go to all that effort when you can just go out to the corner shop and slurp down a bowl real fast. The Vietnamese meal experience at home is very different, but I digress.

Moving on… every dish I eat at a restaurant, I can’t help but compare to its counterpart that I consumed while in the motherland. Some come close, and some are probably even better for me with healthier cooking alternatives, but there is never an exact experience. Be it the location, the person who cooked it, the person I am with — eating food at a Vietnamese restaurant in America isn’t as great of an experience for me as eating food at a Vietnamese restaurant in Vietnam. This is especially the case for me with pho (pronounce fuh). 

Growing up as a child, I didn’t eat a lot of pho. I was raised in a household that didn’t have a pennant for snacking or street food. Near our house there was a pho stall (not unlike the one below, but without the propane tank, also in a similar location) that I would pass by at least twice a day. 

They would open early in the morning for the breakfast crowd and early the evening for the late diner crowd. Typing this, I could still smell the aroma from more than 15 years ago. The essence of beef and anise mixed in with the burning wood and charcoal smell from the stove. In a way, pho was the fancy hard to get food that I only get in special occasion, and so whenever I do get to eat it, it’d be an over the top experience, the meat, the broth, the nice burp at the end when you washed everything down with a nice cold Coke. 

I distinctively remember my first bowl of pho in America, and I can only compare the experience to someone’s experience of tasting diet soda for the first time after a life time of drinking regular soda. The taste is there, but not quite the same, something is missing, but I can’t tell what it is. Even thought the pho bowls in America are bigger, there are more meat and noodles, and I can have as many bowls as I want, my palates aren’t ecstatic. Even now, after 15 years of eating pho in America, whenever I’m told that there’s a good pho place, I’m always skeptical — by what standard? I guess you could say that am perpetually chasing that feeling of the first pho love. 

Reading this article on the history and variation of pho, however, I realized that maybe my estranged relationship with pho isn't because I am haunted by the ghost of pho past, but more because I have just been tasting pho made by people from a different region from where I used to live. Simply put, I have some reevaluation of perspective to do. At anyrate, the article features an interview with people who know what they are doing and talking about when it comes to pho, and even has recipes. 

One of the many perks of living in Southern California is I don't have to travel very far for pho when I get a craving. Here's a nice bowl from a hole-in-the-wall down the street from my home in LA.

Since moving to Boston, I have had pho twice and neither was anything to write home about, so I haven't been too keen on grubbing down more pho, or actively seeking out a good place. Though I know it's out there. Without my noticing, pho has become steadily and increasing known, accepted and love by the population, if not the world. I know very few people who have never had pho. When I was living in Ghana, I was told that there was a pho restaurant in Accra, the capital city. Pho in Africa! Who would have thought!? My homie, Tony Bourdain went to New Orleans for food, drinks and debauchery but had pho for breakfast — got Vietnam on his mind! Macklemore loves pho as much as he loves thrift shopping, probably, and his friend loves it so much, he did a Kickstarter project to make a video about it.

It makes me feel so good and proud when I see people having love for my culture, or any culture, in a positive way. It makes me want to share with them even more things that they didn’t know to really solidify this love. 

A lot of prints about pho would say that it’s Vietnam’s national food, and I really want you to know that it’s not. You can find it everywhere in Vietnam, but it doesn’t represent all of Vietnam. So since you already spent some time reading this blog post on my feelings about pho, why not catch my next post on the other amazing noodles soups that Vietnam has to offer. It’d only be good for you, I promise. 

Up next, Bun Bo Hue! 

Vietnam Recapping: Phu Quoc Island Part 1 (Super long post, you have been warned)

It is the Fourth of July, and this time last year, I was on my way back from Brazil. Today, I am staying inside trying to avoid the heat, sunshine and people. This weekend in the valley saw the temperature up to about 100+, this used to be a normal deal for me before college, but SD has spoiled me, and now, I do not go outside unless I absolutely have to or only when after the sun is down.

The three days weekend has been well spent so far, I think. I caught up on my sleep and all my shows. I got my first pay check from the job and spent it all on the same day on loan repayments and a new pair of glasses. Can't wait for two more weeks to get pay again.

Moving on, on to the recap.

April 18th-19th: Phu Quoc Island and Mekong Delta

A is where I was, and B is where the island is. Obviously... right?

The largest island in Vietnam locateing in the Gulf of Siam bordering Cambodia, Phu Quoc Island is only 50 minutes away by plane from HCM. It's famous for producing fish sauce, and stable in Vietnamese cuisine and pearls, a stable in rich house wives' wardrobes. 

As of now, Phu Quoc is still very much in the midst of development, it is not yet and hot spot for tourists and vacationers. There are only two ways of getting to Phu Quoc from the mainland, plane and boat. By boat, it takes about 2 hours on a "super speed" ferry. The price is 225,00 VND or approximately $11/$12. My 50 minutes flights was about 500,00 VND which is about $25. Anyone who wants to get into Phu Quoc has to go through Vietnam mainland first, though not for long, as an international airport is currently being build in Phu Quoc for easier access in the future. Once it's completed, travelers will no longer have to go through mainland VN to get through Phu Quoc, thus decreases the hassle of traveling by half while tourism revenue increases.

international airport in progress

Most of the island is still in its natural habitat, lots empty land and wild plants, but as my xe om (honda tax) driver/guide for the day told me, all these lands have been bought by big foreign investors companies to build golf courses and casino and resorts here. Soon enough, this place will be another Phuket or Singapore swamped with tourists looking for cheap get aways.

By this time of the trip, I have managed (thanks to my relative) to have a trusty honda taxi driver who would take me places when I give him a call. That saves me the trouble of having to bargain and get rip off every time I want to go somewhere. That morning, we left at 7am... I think (getting up early in the morning regardless of which hours all feel the same to me).

I guess he didn't have
anything else better to do

the closest to "forming a line"

airplanes

Only a handful of people, including myself were there waiting for our flights. Some were locals and a sprinkle or two of foreigners. There were three guys who spoke English, they were talking to a gentleman who seem to be a local but I later found out was a Vietnamese-American. I tried to trike up a conversation with those guys later, since after some weeks of just Vietnamese, I didn't want to complete forget all my English (it's possible, okay...), and seeing that they spoke absolutely no Vietnamese what so ever, I wanted to help. However, the guys didn't seem very much interested in talking to me at all, especially after they found out that I wasn't a local and from California. The Vietnamese-American gentleman, however, was very nice. He's  a frequent returnee who has some sort of a English school in the country and trying to teach English to the locals. He even gave me his business card in case I want to teach English in Vietnam and should contact him.

All of this was even before I got on the plane.

Only about 2/3 of the plane was full despite it being a weekend. I sat next to a seemingly proper business man who struck up a conversation with me. Before the plane even took flight, after finding out that I was traveling to Phu Quoc by myself, he suggested that we should trade phone numbers so that when we are in the island and he is done with his business, the two of us could grab some coffee together. Needless to say, that got uncomfortable real quick. I didn't really know how to refuse, so I gave him my number anyway, but ended the conversation at that. Once the seatbelt sign was off, I nonchalantly got up and moved to another empty row of seats and when the flight stopped, waited for him to get off first.

It wasn't anything that he did, but it was something in the way that the conversation went and ended up that I didn't feel comfortable with, and I didn't want to take any chances being so far away from any safety nests. The guy ended up calling me sometime later that day, I didn't pick up because I didn't hear my phone going off, but I listed him under "creepy airplane guy don't pick up" just for future reference.

Once I got off the airplane, I had a giant moment of "now what?". My planning only went as far as getting myself to the island, but I didn't plan anything else in term of hostels or transportation around. The nice Asian American guy was heading to a hotel and offered to get me a ride to the hotel so I can get a room there. Since my original plan for the trip was only to spend a day in the island and head back to the mainland later at night, I didn't want to do that. I wanted to find a ride out of the airport and check out some local sceneries.

A team of honda taxi/tour guides were outside the airport swamped over, and after a few seconds of contemplating, I agreed to a half island tour for about 400 VND, which is about $20. As the guide getting ready to get start, I joked "Please don't kidnap me and sell me to China". They didn't think it was that funny.

When I was 22...

- My friend threw me a surprise birthday party even when I told her I didn't want one. She got wasted that night out of fear that I would be upset at her. I got wasted that night because everyone gave me booze (and chicken wings) and because it was my birthday.

-Got rear ended at a free way entrance the day after my birthday (not at all related to my birthday drunken-ness). The guy was a mechanic and promised to fix up the scratches on my bumper. I contacted him a 2 months later, his number was disconnected.

-Did a keg stand for the first time in celebration of my college's annual spring concert (otherwise informally known as the day when the nerdiest kid in your class is found passing out drunk on the side walk). The keg stand threw me into a blackout but I managed to talk myself out of detox (I knew the security guard).

- Danced to "Like A Virgin" on top of a piano and later on top a guy in front of a room full of people. And all my much less drunk friends. Thought I was the shit.

- Had the worst hair cut of my life. Took nearly a year to recover/fix it.

- Got really into online Scrabbles. My roommates and I would each be on our respective computers and played against each other, occasionally shouted out "YOU FUCKING BITCH!" from the other room/across the condo. I had no control over this obsession.

I was there

- Took lots of naps in my car during my last quarter in college (school was ridic). Once I pulled over on the side of a freeway during traffic hour, a high way patrol woke me up 20 minutes later. I later found out that it was because the area was shady and I could have been robbed.

- Quited one job on Monday and was let go from another one the Tuesday after.

- Spent 3 weeks in Brazil with 9 other girls. The most estrogen-filled experience I have ever/will ever put myself through. Also the most boobs I have ever been around all at once time. We partied and drank everyday during the last week. Slept on through an entire 6 hours bus ride because we were out all night until 7am so we could make the bus station at 8am.

said mural painting

- Got into two car accidents a week apart from each other. Neither was my fault. It was the Curse of October.

- Went into a post-grad slum and at one point, I would only go outside for food. Drinking became less fun then.

- Started working as a tutor and actually liked it.

- Worked at a Vietnamese sandwich shop and hated it.

more juice, please

- Quited my job at the sandwich shop and went to Vietnam for a month and a half. Spent most of my time there melting and being eaten alive by mosquitoes, but got to drink sugar cane juice everyday. It was so worth it.

motherland

my sandals

- I spent my 23rd birthday in Vietnam.

"I was 22 or 23 when I made a decision not to be actively Hamlet-like and miserable in my daily life, and the decision helped a lot. Living vitally is not easier than living morbidly — it’s just better." — Stephen Colbert  

Looking back, my year as a 22 year old wasn't that bad. Sure, economically I made pretty much no money and couldn't really claim success for anything, but I did have an eventful year. That should counts for something, right? Who knows, maybe in 10 years or so, I would wish that I was 22 again and get to have so much free time and so little things to do again.

For now, I guess I'll try to do what Stephen here said and snap the shit out of it and get the hell out of Sad Ville. After all, 23 is one of the cooler number, I should try and enjoy this age before I'm 26. I'm just not a fan of 6s.

half full, half empty

Tonight is my last night here in the city. I was really looking forward to being here again for the past 11 years, and as I am preparing to leave it, mixed emotions rise.

Beside volunteering, I wanted to do nothing here except basking in what used to be a part of my childhood. Just 2 months ago, the thought of being here seems preposterous. I dreamed and dreamed of meeting just a few individuals once again, be there friends again, be a local again, but now as I am about to leave, I have to admit, I was only able to do 50 percents of all that, partially because during the decade I was gone, things have changed and I could no longer relive it.

I can't say that I am not disappointed, because I always felt that I missed out on my childhood the moment I moved to the states. Lots of things have happened after had made me grown up too fast that I only wish to be able to return to the days of innocence just for a second, have all my burdens lifted and be that carefree self once again. Thus my desire to return here. But as things have changed, the pieces no longer fit. Reliving my childhood is out of the question, I can only recall what used to be while standing in the physicals of my memories.

But I am also glad that I have been fortunate enough to meet half of the people I wanted to meet. These few days of being around them only made me wish even more that I could somehow experience what went on while I was gone, but it also made me realized how much more fortunate I am for being where I am.

After weeks of promises, I found out that certain people didn't want to meet me, and I could lie and say that doesn't matter to me, but the fact is it does. I hurts me to know that even my attempt to catch a glimpse of what used to be could still be rejected, that I had waited for these days for so long just to have some closure between friends, but I shouldn't have. I walked away disappointed, angry and didn't know who to blame. I guess it isn't too bad of a sent off because the next time I return, less expectation will be brought and more time will be spend with those who matter.

Fifty percent, half fun, half sad. Now I have to decide which half of the glass I am.

i wish i was a little...

Paler? Taller?

One of the reasons that people can tell that I am not from around here beside from the fact that I am definitely fatter than all the local girls is that I seem to enjoy being in the sun more than everyone else though fact is that I don't.

To be fair, I don't hate the sun, I only hate all the ridiculous tan lines after I'm outside. I mean, come on, a band-aid tan line? Who's down for that? SO if I'm gonna get a tan, I'm gonna go all out and wear as little clothes as possible (skank alert lol). Rolling up my sleeves and everything to avoid that farmer's tan while soaking in that vitamin D, which is pretty much what I do here in Saigon. And which is why I stand out because girls here pretty much cover themselves from head to toes when they are outside.

Underneath all that gears is my cute cousin

Porcelain white skins is seen as beautiful here because mahogany or deep dark brown tans are way too common here. On top of it being a tropical country, for centuries, people have been working as farmers in fruit orchard or rice paddies spending days in and days out under the sun, so the dark tan represents a life of laboring hardship. People who don't have this color are often rich or well off people who were fortunate enough to have enough to eat without ever have to spend times in the blazing sun.

I think that this association of pale skin = life of fortune is now ingrained in these people's mentality, and now in modern time, they have the ability to achieve it so they do. Locals wear all kind of protective gears to keep themselves from getting dark. I remember my mom used to wear a long pair of elbow gloves and a wide rimmed hat when she used to go outside, but that was ten years ago since the method today are way more extreme. Beside the mandatory helmet, people also wear face mask to avoid the dust, then girls would wear gloves on their hands, then thin socks or thick stocking on their feet and a hoodie with the hood up regardless of the style of the outfit because they can all be taken off once they reach their destination. It's pretty much their travel gears. Even girls who wear short-shorts still wear long over the knee/thigh-high beige color stockings so I guess sluts here don't get cold, but they get hot hah!

Guy in the far left admiring my awesome hand-behind-back picture taking skill, girl in the upper right corner is a ninja. Check out how men aren't donning the same ensemble as women

(Women) Ninjas on the street!

In addition, the tropical heat here could get so unbearable and the increasing awareness for skin cancer could also be reasons for which why people want to cover up. However, we don't see men following the same suit, and it doesn't explain for the abundance amount of commercial and infomercial on skin whitening products as well as having skin whitening chemical in almost every beauty products on the shelves. I recall on the top of my head seeing house hold brands in America such as Dove or Olay also having whitening ingredients in their products. Good thing I brought my own body wash and face wash.

Picture courtesy of onlyok.net. This blogger has a similar/interest discussion about this whitening trend.

Funny how this whole concept is opposite in America, where people prefer to have darker tone. And of course you wouldn't find products like this back in the states, as you wouldn't find something that promotes tanning here.

Not in this land

I have been asked several times "I thought you'd be paler since you're from America" or "How are you so dark and short living in America?" and would have to explain to people that tanned skin is a popular preference in the states, and being short is genetic, there's nothing I could do. Still, in additional to pale skin, people are also actively pursuing methods to get themselves taller. You can find milk commercials emphasizes on how their products will help kids grow taller or infomercials for shoes that add height while at the same time lengthen your legs.

For this trend, I don't get it, and I can't find any of these commercial on Youtube, so I'll just let Skee Lo take over while I go outside in my shorts.

the removal of 4 wisdom teeth is waiting for me back in the states

I totally saw that coming too.

Peace Corps info are in a few weeks ago, further dental works is needed, so that's what I will be doing once I'm back this May. That and maybe UCSD Sun God, unless the consensus says that I am too old to dedicate a whole day to getting wasted or UCSD got too lame and it's pointless to celebrate.

Can't say I'm not looking forward to it though. :)

I learned what it's like being rich today in Vietnam. Having your own driver. Owning a Benz while having Toyota is already considered baller status. Living it up in your 40s while learning about life in your 20s and working hard in your 30s is the secret. I think there's hope for little old me after all. I don't want to be rich, just enough for airplane tickets to go around.

I also learned how big the social gap between the rich and the poor can be, as is in every developing country out there. So here comes an obvious realization, even thought we bitch about it, and puts it down, and always wish we were living somewhere else, an average life in America is still sometime better than an average life somewhere else exotic. My one U.S dollar here could get me a ride, or a nice bowl of pipping hot and delicious noodle, or FIVE awesome thirst quenching cups of sugar cane juice, and any of these things are totally worth it.

Tonight, as I sat waiting for my friend at 9pm at night, a middle aged lady carrying two baskets of sweet toasted rice paper walking by, saw and asked me if I would by some from her. Usually I would say no, because I don't like sweet stuff, and because I wasn't in the mood for snacks (I was craving some late night noodles instead) but something about the way she asked me that made me really believed her when she said that business has been tough, and it would have been a favor if I were to buy some from her.

Now, I'm not a sucker for mushy things... not all the time anyway, and most of the time, I can tell if people are lying, because I am a big bullshitter myself. Takes one to know one, y'know, but I said alright, I'll take some. She sold me 3 for 10,000 VND, which is the equivalent of about fifty cents in U.S dollars.

If I dig around the bottom of my book bag, I probably would find enough coins to add up to 50 cents, so for me, this purchase wasn't that big of a deal, at all, but for this woman, she probably could use this 10,000 VND for something useful, like food.

Anyway, after almost an entire day of hanging around a successful relative, that little exchange got me a little sentimental so I thought I'd talk about it. I didn't think to take a picture of the food before I ate it, so both these pics are found online and do not belong to me haha.

How one seller manages two baskets otherwise known as gánh hàng rong

Toasted rice paper or bánh tráng nướng (this is the version with sesame seeds, the one I bought have no sesame and are much sweeter)

*Unfortunately I did not take these pictures. I found them on Google.

a few drinks in

The downside of drinking in a foreign country is that when everyone else is done, you have no other friends to call to keep the party going.

Hi everyone,

I went drinking with my cousin again today. Yes, party with the dirty old men par deux. But of course, they're all old and married so they start at 6pm and call it a night at 9pm. Yes, 9pm, I barely got started and got sent home so now I'm buzzed and sad because I don't have any other drinking buddy.

I guess I could always go to the same restaurant and get a pretty young thing to share a few with me while I check out her tits/ass.

It's freaking 10 pm here and everyone I know is heading to bed. Granted that they're all old and whatever, but fuck. I miss my young ragers partiers friends.

holiday drinking with some dirty old men

... but first, a vocab/language lesson:

nhậu : roughly translated as "a drinking party" with some food and lots of beer and alchy.

anh: a pronoun used for a male who is either a) older than the speaker b) the speaker's boyfriend c) the speaker when talking to someone younger than him or to his girlfriend d) the speaker's older brother -- similar to korean's "oppa"

em: a pronoun used for a female who is either a) younger than the speaker b) the speaker's girlfriend c) the speaker when talking to someone older then her or to her boyfriend d) the speaker's younger sister

chú: a pronoun used for an adult male who is either a) someone's uncle b) someone who is older than the speaker by at least a generation -- similar to korean's "ajusshi"

cháu: a pronoun used for a much younger speaker, with status as the speaker's niece/nephew/grand child

People use these pronouns and suffixes depending on their relationship with the other person so they can be changed from formal to informal pending on the status of the relationship.

This weekend is apparently a long weekend, lots of people get Monday and Tuesday off, so I have had the opportunity to hang out with a lot of friends and family members.

Earlier this week my bachelor uncle took me to a cafe where we enjoyed expensive drinks and nice music while being tended by young waiter and waitresses. As a general rule to all food service establishment, all waitresses are to call all male customers anh regardless of their age. So all the cute and young waitresses call my uncle anh while they should really have called him chú. It was half funny and half awkward because later, when my uncle asked, we found out that the all waitresses are younger than me by at least 2 years, so if anything, he could be their uncle too!

Tonight, I met up with one of my cousins. He is one of the older cousins I have, around early 40's. He was in the middle of a nhậu fest with his friends when I called so he picked me up and had me join him. I call my cousin anh because he is older than me, and his friend share the same status as anh. If we all count our ages and had meet under different circumstances, I would call those guys chú as they are much older than me and could probably have children who are my age or older. They were way happy that someone my age is calling them anh and isn't a waitress so beside hitting on the waitress, they also tried to flirt with me. Slightly gross I might say.

Local people and my family included have been very liberal about drinking. Vietnam doesn't have a drinking age, so kids aren't sneakingly chasing the bottle and people drink when they want so there isn't much terrible scenarios of alcohol binging and poisoning. And mostly, people drink beer, or rice wine, not hard liquor. Most people, especially men, like to nhậu whenever they can, just like in college when we find an excuse to drink whenever we can regardless of the time. So this weekend gives everyone the perfect excuse to drink, it's a holiday, we have nothing to do, why not party it up!

I learned tonight that the rule of the nhậu table is that, if one person picks up the glass to drink, everyone clinks their glasses and everyone drinks. I wasn't aware of this rule and kept sipping, so every time I picked up the glass, everyone picked theirs up until someone called me out. Who would have thought that I get to learn something new today?

Women don't do much drinking here, especially the older generation, and even when they do, they drink mostly beer, not rice wine or liquor so I felt a bit uneasy about drinking, but it wasn't that big of a deal as people don't seem to care much. My uncles and family friends seems happy because they've found someone else who could party with them.

My cousin was pretty buzzed and decided to call my dad at 5:00 am California time.

"Hi uncle, I'm with your daughter. How're you doing?"

"Wtf why are you waking me up??"

One of my cousin's friend took over the phone and asked my dad,

"Hi uncle, there are two of us here beside your nephew, which of us do you pick (for your daughter)?"

"Your mama you bitch" Then he hung up.

I don't like my dad, but he could be so funny sometime, and apparently everyone who knows him loves hanging around him because he apparently has a deadpan sense of humor. I am very much enjoying getting to know more about my family through other people's eyes. Seeing them outside the mom and dad light is helping me understand my parents more and potentially *gasp* care for (or love) them more.

The big weekend is the memorial for the country's founder, it's going according to the Lunar Calendar and is this Tuesday. I didn't even know about this holiday because it didn't exist ten years ago! and only learned about it from the banner hung around the city.

can't help you if you can't help yourself

I have been in Saigon for about 2 weeks now, and beside the purpose of seeing my old friends from elementary school and checking out my old stomping yard, I had intended to spent the most of my time here volunteering with some NGO's that I have found. I guess it's the after effect of being an Alternative Breaker, that I no longer feels that it's okay to enter a country and blatantly be a tourists without noticing the less glamorous sides of life in a developing country.

So anyway, I have mentioned the volunteer group(s) before, Helping Hand Saigon and Smile Group. These are the two groups that I have been sort of involving with along with the bi-weekly English Club set up by Helping Hand Saigon, and they have been great, the people and the involvement, but the work I have been doing have been way less than satisfying. In fact, if anything, I don't think I have been doing anything at all productive during my two weeks here, and it's bumming me out. I guess you could say that my timing is bad, that I arrived during the two weeks after HHS has done some big projects and now I am about to leave during the time they are about to start on their next big one(s). The one single project I was about to plan for this weekend got shut down from the start because the orphans and orphanages I was going to be working with aren't going to be available, and when they are, I won't be here anymore. So I spent most of my "volunteer" time space contemplating on what I should be doing. I did get to spend a few hours with the Smile group, and the children are way chill and I was going to come back the next day to hang with them at the zoo but I woke up with a fever instead. Thus, I've been sick for the most part of this week so beside dying from this heat, I am dying from a crappy throat.

I had really looking forward to this part of my Vietnam trip. I have always had a good time volunteering as a part of AB and wanted to look for the same experience on my own minus the massive program fee, but now I sort of feel that the program fee is worth it. Don't quote me on it though.

Another hard thing along with this is that it has been a bit difficult to reach people who should be available for volunteer inquiries. HHS has been great at corresponding, but Smile Group was/is harder to reach and the number I have for them didn't work and no one is responding to my email. Blargh. I really want to do more work with this group because it is a similar group to the CASAA orphanage in Salvador de Bahia that I worked with this past June. I think I would feel a lot of request not being more involved with this group, but as of right now, I don't know how else I could work more with them.

my blog shows up under search key word "vietnamse dicks"

... or that's what my stat monitor is telling me.

Nice.

I had a semi-venturing day in District 1 yesterday, the city's center and the nest of foreigners, backpackers and expats. I had to head up there for a meeting with my new friend C to discuss what I will be doing with Helping Hand Saigon for the weekend. I had been wanting to head up to Distric 1 to check out the tourist scenery since I've been chilling on the local side all this time. So this was the perfect excuse to test the water since I am still feeling uneasy about heading out around town on my own.

I had my aunty dropped me off at the cafe where C and I are meeting. (when was the last time I needed a relative to drop me off anywhere haha?) I arrived 20-30 minutes before the meeting time so I took the chance to walk up and down the street the coffee shop is at. It's a completely different feel than the other areas in the city. I'm not sure how to describe it, but for some reason, I felt like I blend in/don't matter there. I don't feel people's eyes on me since they are either used to the sight of tourists or are more distracted by people looking more touristy than me.

Anyway, I head into the coffee shop after walking up and down the street like an idiot holding on to my helmet (that's a story for a different day) and went in for a drink to wait for my friend. This began my discovery of how prices in D.1 is so much more expensive than prices in all the other areas around due to the heavy tourists flow. Such is an iced tea costing 15,000 Dong while you can get the same thing for about 1,000 Dong or less somewhere else. One dollar is about 20,500 Dong right now. The cafe's name is Sozo and is apparently owned by a French of Germany lady.

Sozo cafe's upstair view

C and I talked about HHS for a bit and we talked about hanging out for the rest of the night but wanted to wait until the sun is down so it's cooler to be outside. To kill time C asked me to teach her Vietnamese. She is the Belgium friend I made two days ago. I taught her a few things while the cafe is slowly filled with university students. Apparently, Thursday and Friday nights are for English clubs so we left after it started and met up with some friends from our own English Club and went to another cafe.

I took the opportunity here to snap some more pictures while I'm out and some more when we walked around looking for food. I hung out with more locals who aren't relatives or old friends and it was quite an experience. One told me that he doesn't feel as nervous speaking English to me as he does when he speaks to a foreigner. I guess I have a calming effect on people hahaha. Nah, it was probably because the local mentality here still hold foreigners quite a bit apart from themselves. They either love foreigners for their money, hate foreigners for the customs or just completely don't/don't want to understand that non-Asian people are people too. Anyway, here are some tourist pics:

Not sure what these two buildings are for but they're prominant in District 1

Entering District 1 and the iconic Ben Thanh Market that requires ridiculous bargaining skills

I took this pic by accident, but I think less people should call me fat especially if there are chubby people around here too. Glass houses man, better watch out


Streets bustling with tourists, ridiculous electrical wires and cars without lanes

how foreigners make themselves look bad to locals

Today was my second night at the Engish Cafe/Club. My friend and I was actually on time this time, and we even had a good group of people instead of sitting my ourselves because we were late like last time.

How the meeting operates is that people are divided by groups, and each is set to discuss a sub-topic of a bigger topic for the night. Then all the groups would hear what the other talk about and furtherly discuss the topic with each other. It's a way to get everyone talking and learning to use category specific vocabulary.

Tonight's topic was "Co-habbiting without a marriage liscence and Marriage." What I got out of what young people like me are saying is that, they prefer to marry a person before living together because the Vietnamese society values the virginal status of the bride and if there will be a lot of pressure on the couple if they are just living together and not married.

I was a bit shocked to hear these idea because I had expected a more modernized answer, but I wasn't that shocked because after seeing that my friends here are still heavily attached to their family and all the social traditions. I guess that means that I will never brings honor to my family as a blushing bride. Oh well.

Anyway, there was a older American there as a facilator to one of the English speaking group. He stood out a lot because of his age, around middle age, and his attitude, he wasn't that friendly. As the discussion went around, he was very outspoken and opinionated about what the other young speakers have said regarding marriage. His tone was a bit condesending and patronizing commenting on how he has been to about 8 weddings in Vietnam and they all pretty sucked because everyone rushed in and out, and how he doesn't understand why there are so many bridal and wedding studios in the city or why everyone invites people they don't know to weddings and pretty much concluded that Vietnamese marriage is often about money and not love or enjoyment of the couple's reunion.

He is so lucky that the majority of the people in the room didn't have enough English vocabulary to give him a rebutal or just didn't understand completely what he was saying. Honestly, who the hell is this guy coming in here criticizing a country with thousands of years' ceremony and tradition? And if he hates it so much, why didn't he stop at wedding number 4 or number 5 and went to all 8 only to bitch about it now? Being the only non-white person who speaks and understands English fluently, I had to explain to him the flaws in his statements, that we don't just invite anyone, and those who are invited can not refused because lots of thoughts are put into the invitation, and wedding in Vietnam has seen better traditional days but it's not just a business like he thinks now. But he didn't even bother to turn around to look at me as I spoke to him and continued to refuse to see my point by saying that all he knows is that American wedding are way more fun and more sincere.

Wow... really? 250 years old America has better traditions and values than more than 3000 years of Vietnamese traditions. Like I said, he is lucky that no one else in the room knew enough English to tear him a new one, and that the discussion was ended before I finished speaking my piece.

I am told that he is the husband of Helping Hand Saigon's founder, and often expressed his negative attitude toward Vietnamese traditions during English Club time. Then why the fuck are you still here man? Get the fuck out of this place if you hate it so much, because now you're just annoying people with your pessimistic and shallow insutls about their culture. What you know is only the size of my pinky toe's nail and is nothing worth mentioning so don't just assume my entire culture is base on your wikipedia knowledge. Seriously, you are making yourself look bad, and just because no one is saying anything, doesn't mean they're not thinking about how shiteous you are for looking down on their culture. And what makes you think you are better than us to even look down on us, being white and ignorant?

I spent some part of my life making fun of people like you for a good laugh, but to really run into one of you, you should be really glad that there were barriers that kept me from whiping out my dick and slapping you silly.

Honestly, to come to a foreign country and to have stayed here for obviously a long time, he should at least learn to appreciate its good and bad sides as oppose to compare it to your homeland that is a melting pots of cultures. I think he thought that he could talk shit since there was also no one who could call him bullshit on making American culture seems way better than it really is.

Good news is, I made some more local friends and we're going places so more pictures soon.

3rd grade girl called me fat.. twice

... sorry I don't have a more clever title. I'm sure you're tired of hearing me complaining about how many people calling me fat here. I'm just as tired of being called fat by pretty much anyone, old or young, children or adult. So much that I don't really feel like leaving the house to explore the place I am at because people just stare at me way too much and say things that end up ruining my days before I even do anything to them. I've been inside "hidding" for a few days now.

Anywho, I've done quite a bit of moving around since the last time I posted. Two days in the city suburb with some more relatives and now I am in Saigon. However, not much has been going on in the past few days that are blog worthy beside how traffic gets more and more ridiculous and dangerous as I head into the city and all the places from my childhood seems much smaller than I remember.

I finally get to sleep in today and its because my aunt and uncle has some business to do in the morning. So it's almost eleven and I'm awake. In local times it's pretty late but I'm awake only because there is a black out and the fan is off so it's too hot to sleep anymore. Even though I do nothing, people still wake me up at 6 or 7 am and tried to make me eat breakfast while all I want to do is sleep.

As I've said, I haven't really done much exploring but I did contact Helping Hand Saigon, a local NGO that I will be/am joining for some for volunteer project. Their works include visiting orphanages as well as other groups and homes for the under-privilege. It's not at all hard to find under-priviledge people here in Vietnam, but to find organizations that are able to help them, in my opinion, is still pretty rare.

Before the trip, I spent a few months researching on NGOs in Vietnam and didn't find very much, so I was very glad to find Helping Hand Saigon. Anyway, upon contacting them, they invited me to their bi-weekly English club event, where local university and young professional get together to practice their English along with any foreigners who wish to help them.

Learning English in Vietnam is pretty much a priority for young people here. Higher English level could potentially get them better jobs and pays, and they all could use the money. I am told, almost consensusly, that the English learning method here does not really promote great speaking ability. So students are only able to read and write well, but hearing and speaking abilities are minimal. Students don't often get to practice what they learn, and not everyone could afford to study abroad in English speaking country, so all the money and effort they spent in learning English could potentially gone to waste. Which is why the English club is so helpful to English learning students, where they could practice their speaking skills with native or fluent English speakers who help them build up vocabulary and grammar.

Anyway, so I was there, and met some very nice people. One was a Belgium girl who is doing an internship with HHS. She is my age and is working on her Masters. In general, I was just happy to be able to speak English with people who can understand me.

Meeting this girl is sort of pulling me out of the daze I have been in for the past 2 weeks. Beside going into hiding for being to fat, I have only been with family, and I guess you could say I am getting quite comfortable under their wings, so I am not venturing out on my own. She made me realized how much easier I have it than her. She is here by herself, doesn't speak the language, get stared at way more than I do and still manage to do some looking around by herself eating the local food. Maybe I shouldn't be too discouraged at everyone from a 3rd grader to old ass grieving lady calling me fat at every turn and just grow a pairs and wander around town on my own.

Being sad about being fat should only be temporary. Right?

"look at that backpacker showing his dick, does he think Vietnamese don't have dicks so he's showing off?" (or my trip to Nha Trang, Vietnam)

The quote above was heard from my bus driver as we drove by a backpacker taking a piss on the side of the road. I thought it was hilarious, but after a week of being here, I don't know why he would be upset when everyone does it, men and women. Stopping by the side of the road to relieve yourself apparently is the norm here. I have seen several guys traveling in groups taking a piss together some spaces apart, and definitely have seen some old ladies squating not even in bushes with their butt cracks hanging out. I was too polite to pull out my camera and take a pic, but now that I think about it, maybe I should have.

Anyway, hello my loyal reader, you know who you are :)

It's about to be 10pm right now, and the entire house of my relatives are asleep. Early to bed, early to rise I suppose, it is the country side after all. Now that they're all asleep and not trying to feed me food, I finally have time to update this blog. Getting to this city was about the furthest up north of this country I have been. I have only heard about this place as a popular vacation spot, I finally got to see it for myself.

Nha Trang, Vietnam faces the ocean just like Rio, Brazil or Brighton, England, and if you keep going down on one certain street, you will hit the ocean. There are plenty of night clubs and bars around the beach front for a lively night. I actually did very little tourist things while in Nha Trang, and instead got to experience what locals my age would do, which I can tell you is a quite more relaxing and less expensive than what tourists in Nha Trang would experience.

It was a 6 hours bus ride from where I was before to the center of Nha Trang. As I've mentioned before, the distance actually isn't that long, it's only because there is only one main high way for all the vehicles so the entire drive is trafficked.

The main method of long distance transportation between places beside motorbike is by bus. Back when I was a kid, there was only one type of bus, a regular sized bus slightly smaller than the public school bus in the states, and it would stack on a bunch of people and go. They were all the same in term of size and service. What I learned is that, today, there are several types of buses being offered in various sizes. Big one, regular one, van-size one, and they all come with AC, some with sleeper beds and blankets and music for your entertainment.

First day:

For my trip out to Nha Trang, I got to try the sleeper bus for the experience since I figure I could use a laying down for a 6 hours drive, and since I have never been on a sleeper bus before and only heard about such thing from Harry Potter. The bus itself is the size of a big public bus or tour bus in the states, it has complete AC and a pull 2 mini TV screens. Instead of seats, there are 20 bunk beds, so 40 single bed total with blankets. Once you get on, you have to take off your shoes to walk down the isles to your bed. Each bed has a seat belt, but no one uses it except for me. Vietnam isn't much of a seat belt culture, and I think that's how they tell foreigners from locals is that foreigners would use the seat belt. It was kinda cool except it was cramped, and I got really naseous sitting on the top bunk since it swayed a lot due to the driver doing lots of swirlving.

It's sort of like camping in a moving cabin

Us stopping at a train track and me inside with a seat belt. That's pretty much how parking is around here.

Second day:

My cousin took me around to show me the city, and to Diamond Bay or know to locals as Song Lo (or Lo River). Diamond Bay, I think is the name for tourist. This area is the place where the Miss Universe 2008 was held, and I can only imagine how glamouros it was since the place screams extreme resort/spa/vacation glamor. It was pretty quiet while I was there though since right now is off season for tourists though I did spot some vacationers with sunburned face roaming around the streets later on.

We're so close to the divider, there is only one lane, she didn't even use two hands at some point and everyone were really fast, of course I had to take pictures and not hold on tight

Showy things to attract tourists

I seriously don't know any locals who goes driving

Anyway, I'm tired now, will add more later.

Trouble in paradise. I could use a drink right now

Alright, I know I'm supposed to talk about Nha Trang, one of the very popular tourist spots around here, but my mind is too occupied on how to retain my self confidence for the rest of the trip.

I mentioned this in my last post, but I seriously feel like a massive cow walking around town next to these skinny local girls. People that I know and even random strangers/shop keepers make comments about how chubby I am. I honestly do not think I am that much bigger than everyone here, but apparently I am . I'm afraid that this experience is going to give me an eating complex later on. I do not feel comfortable in my own skin here, and all the self confidence I have about myself are starting to diminish. I have been wearing sport bras instead of real bras to appear less thick. Shit is not looking good. I do not want to continue to feel this way. Everytime I take a bite of food, I feel are looking at me as thinking "Of course she would be eating like that, she is fat after all."

I don't think I can last too long being like this. Granted that these comments have been subtle most of the time, but hearing "you're so chubby" and "are you not eating because you're afraid of getting fat?" are starting to get to me. Fuck man, I am not eating because I am FULL or just not hungry. Stop trying to feed me then look at me while I am eating like it's a fucking freak show.

I find myself wondering if I had stay in Vietnam and not gone to the U.S 11 years ago, would I turn out looking just like all these locals or would I have grown differently. Life really has a funny way of messing with your head sometime.

Maybe I shouldn't be too sensitive about these comments since this is ruining my mood. If people think I'm fat, that's fine, but I'd rather not hear about it. I like to be happy, and I like to not think about sad shit, and all this is ruining my mood. I haven't felt this self conscious/fat and ugly in years. It's not doing me good.

Knowing that I am from America doesn't help thing a bit. Now people are assuming that just because I am fat and from America, it means that I am rich because rich people are fat and have lots of money and therefore they should mine me for all my worth.

No bitches, once again, I am PO', which is why I am traveling in a country whose currency is lower than the U.S not higher. I am not here to steal your men, eat all your food or stretch out your clothes. I just want to revisit what's left of my childhood so I can move on with my life. Just let me be. Damn.

And while I'm at it, what does a girl have to do to get some toilet paper around here? Damn. I understand that there is a European practice of washing yourself with water and toilet with European still wash faucet that are attached to it, but I would still like to wipe myself dry. Enough is enough. I gotta head to the store.

And maybe while I'm at the store, could someone point me to the anti-mosquitoes section? Because all these bites are getting out of control. I am not a fucking piece of meat. Sure I might look like a cow, but I ain't to high quality rare steak regardless of how delicious smelling I might be. Stop sucking up all my blood, adding more "maybe they'll suck out your fat too" jokes to my life. I don't need no more of that shit.

The following pics are not for the faint of heart. Other places are not too public friendly

I make a fine meal.